Creating idols

Joshua 1:9 says “this is my command- be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” 

Lately God has been challenging me when it comes to trusting him with all of my heart. I’ve found myself leaning on my own understanding more than I would like to admit lately. Trusting in God isn’t always the easiest thing to do but it’s definitely one of the most important. I’ve made a new friend recently that is constantly reminding me to focus on god and treat everything I do as an act of worship. Being reminded of that a lot recently has opened my eyes to how many idols I actually have guilt and shame being two of them. I never really put a lot of thought into how those things can become idols but they really do take my focus off of God. I think it’s a lot of learning how to manage the guilt and shame and not getting to the point where yes they are idols. I listened to a really insightful podcast recently from femperfect and it talked a lot about guilt and shame. Following are a few things that I really found interesting as I listened. 

Guilt moves you towards forgiveness. Shame becomes an idol you serve all of the time. Shame distorts the truth and makes you want to hide. Shame destroys healthy relationships with yourself and God. Shame keeps you inauthentic with your feelings. God wants a Christian that is always strong and humble. Lord I pray that you would show me more of you! Let prayer do the heavy lifting. And last but not least choose joy, it’s a decision. 

Lately god has been opening my eyes to the importance of prayer and the importance of trusting fully in him. I’ve found myself getting easily overwhelmed and I really want to break that pattern. The first step to that: break the idols of guilt and shame! 

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Reflecting 

Do you ever just sit and think about how different your life was a year ago? I’ve found myself doing that so much this past month. Yeah, there have been days where I’ve thought I’m kinda bored but compared to all that was happening last summer id kinda prefer this summer. Granted three people who are now in heaven were here for me to spend time with and in that sense I would trade it but in the sense of all of the heartbreak from losing those three people I wouldn’t trade it. Are there things I wish I could tell them in person? Of course but I know that they are all proud of me and proud of how we are growing together closer as a family. Anyone that’s been through the loss of a family member knows how emotional it gets around the “anniversary” so to speak and that’s something I’m struggling through. I’ve thought to myself a lot lately about how on the 17th of June and the 2nd of July of this year I don’t really want to do anything. I’ve found myself sitting lately and just thinking about the days after my grandpa passed away spending time reflecting on his life with my grandma, just kinda tearing up over how much things have changed. Some may say that grief doesn’t come in stages but I’m a firm believer that it does. 

One of the harder parts of grieving

One of the hardest parts of grieving I’ve come to discover is finding a new normal and the said peace with the loss of the person. Holidays generally bring out these feelings more than other days not to say that these things aren’t felt all of the time but being together for special occasions with family just makes the hurt worse even though nobody really brings up what we are all feeling. Everyone seems to focus on getting to the point where we can find the said new normal but that’s not always easy. Losing a loved one means almost every aspect of your life changes. One thing I’ve been reflecting on lately is how it might feel okay to do something that the person that you lost used to do but in hindsight might not be the best idea. Make sure to give yourself time it’s not a competition who gets over the hurt worse or who feels what or struggles with what worse. Just be there for those who are suffering from losing a loved one sometimes that’s all we need.