Be still


Yesterday as I was rushing from class to class, I began to stop and think knowing I had 4 minutes left to get back to class before the professor started to lecture after our 10 minute break, why is this world so fast paced. Why am I planning out how much time I would have to drop off my water, use the restroom and still get a snack before she began to lecture again? I shrugged it off and rushed to drop my stuff off in my next class and run down to get more water and a quesadilla something a little more substantial than my first snack. So I get back to class and I’m out of breath from practically running upstairs, and it crosses my mind again why am I always in such a rush? Maybe it was the caramel macchiato sugar rush that I had influencing these thoughts but then I stopped and thought no I’m always moving this fast and my brain just about as fast if not faster. 

Why do we as a culture move so fast? We are so impatient waiting for something to get done, when it says in the Bible “be still” over 100 times. Have you ever thought about how many opportunities you’ve been given but you don’t slow down enough to make the best of the moments where God gives us the chance to speak into other people but we just pass up the chance. I think we need to slow down and encourage one another to live life the way god has called us to bringing him the glory that he deserves. 

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Politics and God

WARNING: This post is going to be different than any other post I’ve ever written. I’ve been thinking tonight a lot about the new “Trumpcare” that was just passed by the house of representatives and researching the preexisting conditions that will inhibit the process of receiving healthcare. Some of these include from what I’ve read, diabetes, rape, glaucoma, domestic violence and even obesity. Do you know how many people are affected daily by these conditions that he is listing as a condition that can block someone from getting healthcare?!? I find it just agitating everything he is considering that can block the life saving care that someone might need I mean to leave it up to the insurance companies to sign waivers saying yes this person can legally receive care even with the said preexisting condition… it just annoys me. I mean something as simple as a migraine or anxiety can inhibit someone’s ability to receive medical attention?? Where does this even seem right? To me it almost feels like we are losing the ability to openly share about the physical ailments we may experience from day to day and get answers relating to each. It just doesn’t feel right…

By now if you’re still reading thanks that was more like a rant than anything… Now you might be wondering why is the title of this post politics and God it’s been more politics than anything, yes that’s true but can you imagine in the days when Jesus was alive if he were to refuse a relationship with someone on an intimate and personal level because of leprosy or blindness. That just wouldn’t make sense God doesn’t turn anyone away really no matter what background so why should it be that a health insurance company is obligated to refuse coverage to someone that needs it?!? God doesn’t refuse a relationship with someone that comes to him why would a doctor feel okay doing that.

Speaking of doctors and healthcare policies, why is there no funding for childhood cancer? On facebook I follow many children like Lily Bumpus, Fighting For Delilah, Team Mateo, and prayforbailey. Just this week one of the little girls Delilah passed away from cancer and Lilly who is 4 posted a video tribute to her today and it dang near made me ball my eyes out. With all these little kids fighting diseases such as cancer and God only knows what else, how is the healthcare policy going to affect them? Lilly is so young and has already lost two of her best friends to cancer yet she manages to smile and have fun and speak wisdom and gentle reminders into my life with every post. I can’t imagine how it feels for her knowing about death and heaven at such a young age but I pray that as she grows up she continues to share positivity and wisdom with the world.

Creating idols

Joshua 1:9 says “this is my command- be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” 

Lately God has been challenging me when it comes to trusting him with all of my heart. I’ve found myself leaning on my own understanding more than I would like to admit lately. Trusting in God isn’t always the easiest thing to do but it’s definitely one of the most important. I’ve made a new friend recently that is constantly reminding me to focus on god and treat everything I do as an act of worship. Being reminded of that a lot recently has opened my eyes to how many idols I actually have guilt and shame being two of them. I never really put a lot of thought into how those things can become idols but they really do take my focus off of God. I think it’s a lot of learning how to manage the guilt and shame and not getting to the point where yes they are idols. I listened to a really insightful podcast recently from femperfect and it talked a lot about guilt and shame. Following are a few things that I really found interesting as I listened. 

Guilt moves you towards forgiveness. Shame becomes an idol you serve all of the time. Shame distorts the truth and makes you want to hide. Shame destroys healthy relationships with yourself and God. Shame keeps you inauthentic with your feelings. God wants a Christian that is always strong and humble. Lord I pray that you would show me more of you! Let prayer do the heavy lifting. And last but not least choose joy, it’s a decision. 

Lately god has been opening my eyes to the importance of prayer and the importance of trusting fully in him. I’ve found myself getting easily overwhelmed and I really want to break that pattern. The first step to that: break the idols of guilt and shame! 

Letting God be in control at all times

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways, my ways,” says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9

“Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.” 2 Thessalonians 1:2

“And he said to me, my grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

I’ve been struggling lately to feel at peace with where I am right now. These verses connected tonight to me almost as a reminder to just stop and let God take over. The other night I found myself questioning God over why when we grieve do we suppress some of the best times we had with our loved one to focus on how we will never have that again at least not for a while. Case in point: The other night I was talking to my cousin about the last conversation we each had with our grandpa and how our uncle was jealous of that. The divide created between my family has been jealousy oriented more often than not but that’s besides the main point. Anyways I proceeded to think about one of the last conversations that I had with him. I remember it vividly, I was sitting by the sewing machine in the bedroom at their house as he was on hospice, and was holding his hand. He looked at me and said “hug, hug” as in wanting me to hug him. It was one of the best hugs just felt really good especially because that was right around the time that he stopped talking. It brought tears to my eyes just thinking about that moment, don’t get me wrong it was wonderful and comforting but looking back it’s one of the most emotional moments my grandpa and I shared. Oh how I long for another one of those moments but I know that for right now finding peace and strength when I feel weak like that in God is what my grandpa would want me to do.

I don’t know why that crossed my mind the other night but ever since I’ve been feeling pretty emotional. Granted it could be because his birthday would’ve been yesterday and we went out to the cemetery again but it’s been on the back of my mind ever since. Like it says in Isaiah Gods thoughts are so much higher than our thoughts, which is hard for us to let go and trust god all of the time but in due time it will be revealed why this has been on my mind so often lately. God’s thoughts and plans for us may be different than what we want for ourselves, but in him all things will work out for our good so long as we find grace and peace through him during the hard times.

Firsts

I know I have mentioned this before, but the first holidays and anniversaries of someone’s passing are always hard. This father’s day is going to be the first fathers day without my grandpa and I haven’t really thought about it but I’m really struggling with it. I remember last father’s day so vividly, my grandpa laying on a hospital bed and my mom standing by him crying. My grandma had said that day that she did not want us to come over that day because he wouldn’t remember it or want us to see him like that. It hurt because we should’ve all been together rather than apart like we were. This father’s day it’s going to be the cemetery… 😦 It’s definitely hard but he’s not suffering anymore and for that I am grateful! This time last year I was putting together a video of my grandpas life as a father’s day gift and I spent so many days praying that he would be able to see it but instead it was played at his funeral. Something that seemed so small to me, something that I really wanted him to see had such an impact though on so many people that gathered to reflect on his life and send him into heaven feeling eternally blessed by how many people he really touched.

People say that it gets easier grieving the loss of a loved one but I don’t really agree with that I think it’s not as prevalent in your mind but the pain is still there. Today would have been my grandma’s 88th birthday and her fifth birthday she is celebrating in heaven. The milestones always bring the most pain but the way I think of it they are looking down on us from the best spot possible even with how much it hurts us. Having both of these things fall so close together plus the one year anniversary of my uncles passing on Friday definitely isn’t making for the easiest week but they wouldn’t want me to be sad even though I find myself constantly feeling kinda blue over the thoughts running through my mind. I am so blessed though to have had the relationships that I did with my grandparents that’s one thing not very many people can say. Just thanking God for all of the holidays and birthdays I can reflect on that I was able to spend with all of them!

Feeling alone

Do you ever have those days where everything just seems to bother you and you just want to lock yourself away because you feel like it’s the best thing to do? That was me today, did I no. Partially because I wasn’t feeling comfortable with being home but partially because people just kept wanting things from me. Today was probably the day that I should’ve just stayed away from people but what ended up happening wasn’t all that bad. It was just one of those days where I felt so overwhelmed with emotion and just lost in feelings that it was hard to communicate how I felt. Yeah at some points I didn’t handle things the best and I know that but looking back I see what I would do differently. On days like this, I find it somewhat hard to pray to God for strength and guidance which I should’ve done a lot more of, but just in feeling frustrated and not so well in general it was hard for me to. I know that God is there for us in times of trouble but today I just felt kind of alone but played it off. Just one of those days where I wanted to lay in bed all day but that didn’t work out. Here’s to hoping tomorrow will be better. 

Forgiveness 


Why do we let other people’s harsh words get stuck in our heads? Forgiving those who have wronged us or said hurtful things is one of the hardest things to do. Nobody really knows what one another is facing deep down, so why are we so quick to pass judgment, like “you’re too fat,” “you’re too messy,” or “you’re not good enough,” it’s so easy for us to say those things to others but when someone says them to us it hurts. Why do we focus more on hurting one another rather than building each other up. Even in the Lord’s Prayer Jesus teaches us to pray to forgive those who have wronged us. “and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:12-13‬ ‭ESV‬‬ Why is it so hard for us to just let go and let God when it comes to those who have done wrong towards us? It’s totally okay to feel down about hurtful things said to you but don’t let it define you. 🙂