“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your family of believers all over the world is going through the same kind of suffering you are.” 1 Peter 5:7-9
Do you ever have those weeks where you feel like the world and practically everyone in it is against you? Okay, maybe that’s a little overdramatic but still, those weeks where you’re trying to be optimistic and stay positive but you feel like the enemy is against you. I have been thinking of this song I have this hope by Tenth Avenue North
“As I walk this great unknown
Questions come and questions go
Was there purpose for the pain?
Did I cry these tears in vain?
I don’t want to live in fear
I want to trust that You are near
Trust Your grace can be seen
In both triumph and tragedy
I have this hope
In the depth of my soul
In the flood or the fire
You’re with me and You won’t let go
I know that life is a series of great unknowns and the anxiety comes when you don’t know what will come next. Arguably I might be being too optimistic about a current situation ending well and that’s okay to an extent I mean I would rather it end well but on the off chance that it doesn’t that’s okay too. You know those situations where every hypothetical ending you play out in your mind just brings up so many feelings? Yeah its been one of those weeks. I get that at any given time we are all in different seasons of our lives and our priorities are different but don’t turn against each other just because of one thing that was said even if it was super uncalled for. I hope that eventually we can move past victimizing one another for one comment that was made under the influence of alcohol.
Hebrews 6:19 “We have this hope as an anchor for our soul..”
Moving on do you ever have those weeks where everything just brings up another emotion? Its begun with me feeling anxious, frustrated, annoyed, alone, victimized and just emotional in general. That’s been me this week. I’m trying to be sympathetic to those around me facing hardships yet so many of my friends are facing things that I was facing around this time two years ago. You know how the anniversary of losing a loved one can discombobulate everyone and everything and send everyone around you into a fit of rage? I’ve been struggling to control this to rage and give all of my anxieties to God. I know that to those around me I haven’t been the most sympathetic and I haven’t honestly given all of my attention to who I should but quite honestly I feel like this week is one where I just need to be alone with my thoughts. I’ve been feeling so caught up in my feelings that I haven’t fully honored God with all that he has given me. I feel burnt out and like rest and prayer is all I can do besides fight the urge to cry. This weekend marks the two year anniversary of losing my grandpa and its been weighing on my mind a lot. I’ve seen one of my friends posting how her grandpa is no longer responding and my heart breaks for her because I remember those last 14 days where my grandpa would hardly respond. Going through my grandpa being on hospice for so long really has been weighing on my mind lately. I remember my grandma vividly walking out of the bedroom saying “go in and say goodbye to your grandpa” like it was yesterday. I was the one that called my mom and aunt and uncle and told them about his passing and I remember just hearing the devastation in their voices and I remember saying I just need to stay strong for grandma as she really needs me right now. I don’t know why we as humans put so much pressure on ourselves in order to stay strong for one another. I’ve been thinking a lot about how feelings based of a person I am and how I feel the anxiety from everyone around me and its so draining. I know that we all have these weeks but this one just seems so much harder than normal. Anyways if you’re still reading my rambling thoughts mad props that’s all for now.