Feeling controlled 

You know those times where you feel overwhelmed and just want someone close to you to talk to but you feel like nobody ever fully listens? That’s been me quite a bit this week and I’m over it quite honestly. We all need someone to lean on and lately I’ve been feeling like I haven’t really had that person. I’ve been trying hard to be happy and it’s not working anymore. I feel so alone; it’s like one of those times where you want to be physically alone but not completely alone. Lately I’ve been feeling super down, just with everything seeming to be against me I don’t know how to cope anymore. Sometimes I have those weeks where all I want to eat is junk food, watch Netflix and be happy with where I am but lately I feel like just within the small circle of people around me I haven’t been able to do that. How do you get past not being heard out fully? How do you get passed the control of others when you just want to make yourself happy? I don’t know how but I’m going to find a way and live my life happily not feeling like I have to apologize for expressing my feelings. 


Pursuing god! 

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to pursue God fully. Learning more and more about the qualities of an effective teacher has made me realize how important it is to have faith and remain confident in our faith and worldview. Students pick up on more than we realize more often than not and we need to be careful in how we portray our feelings. Gratitude for what we have in the classroom from day to day is important to express because more often and not we just ask for what we don’t have. Finding peace in pursuing god fully is so important! Pursuing godliness is so important it protects us, changes our views on purity, and shows us gods plan for redeeming himself. Loving one another and caring for one another like god loves and cares for us is something that really impacts the children’s opinions of us and guiding them often means helping them to find god working within themselves. 


Why is it so easy for us to fall out of routine but getting back into it is another story? It’s easy for us to get into the habit of reading our bibles daily but when you fall out its so hard to get back into it. The same is true with anything. I know I should be used to the crap I get from my parents at the beginning of the semester just getting back into routine. After 4 months out of school and homework it’s hard to get back into the routine especially when you come down sick the first week back. For me I think the most frustrating thing is that my parents haven’t ever experienced the stress and frustration along with homework. I know it’s no excuse but being sick this weekend kind of hindered me from getting ahead as much as I anticipated but technically I’m still doing good. I just wish that as I get back into the routine of doing homework and going to classes my parents would Be more understanding.

Follow your dreams 

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my future and my past. Getting more and more excited to become a teacher and shape young lives. A couple of my professors this past week asked me in assignments what motivates me to be a teacher and what are the qualities of a good teacher? I’ve been thinking about that trying to come up with the best answer possible in my point of view. When it comes to why I want to be a teacher, it’s to shape young lives and to motivate them to find what makes them happy. God has put it on my heart a lot lately my purpose in life in order to help others. I think the qualities of a good teacher (and I’m open for feedback on this) is someone who listens to their students and helps them to make the best decision for themselves. As I lay here writing this I’m listening to a documentary about 9/11/2001. 15 years ago today, I remember it so vividly. I remember waking up and watching the news and just feeling sad and wanting to stay home from first grade that day to find out more about what was happening. That wasn’t the case though and I ended up at school. Why I remember that I had detention that day I don’t know but I remember that it was for not wanting to color. I don’t really remember if my teacher mentioned it that day, but that same teacher was the one that really inspired me to become a teacher. Growing up I had both good and bad experiences in school when it came to teachers but everyone of them that I felt bad towards is what inspires me to be even better. What inspires you to follow your dreams? It may seem hard at times but never let circumstances pull you too far away from what you are inspired to do.