Something about grieving that a lot of people don’t always discuss is how it feels approaching the anniversary of the death. The days leading up to the anniversary are most often the hardest, at least for me. As I mentioned previously this Saturday marks the one year anniversary since my grandpa passed away. As I lay here typing this I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that it’s already been a year. It just doesn’t feel like it. It feels like it was just yesterday that he passed and we had his funeral. I thought I would be okay until Saturday even though it’s been on my mind but the days leading up to the anniversary always seem to be harder than the actual anniversary. I know that my grandpa wouldn’t want me to feel as sad as I do right now but it’s so hard not to feel sad. So many things have changed for both good and bad within this last year, it makes me wish that I could just talk to him one last time. So many good things are working out in my life that will come to be even better in the future that it makes me sad that I can’t see the smile on his face not to sound selfish because I know he’s not suffering anymore but thinking about how things were a year ago compared to now just feels unreal in a sense. I remember so vividly seeing his flag covered body being wheeled out of their house with a white rose (his favorite) on his stomach and it takes my breath away. I just can’t believe it’s been a year. I know he’s seen everything we have all accomplished and overcame within the last year and I have faith that I will be reunited with him in heaven but for right now I can’t help but lay here and cry because I miss him so much.
“Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.” 2 Corinthians 1:7 ESV
God will put us through nights like this sometimes when we don’t want to but he sees our tears as prayers when we can’t speak and is there to comfort us through his word so long as we turn to it!