Reflecting 

Do you ever just sit and think about how different your life was a year ago? I’ve found myself doing that so much this past month. Yeah, there have been days where I’ve thought I’m kinda bored but compared to all that was happening last summer id kinda prefer this summer. Granted three people who are now in heaven were here for me to spend time with and in that sense I would trade it but in the sense of all of the heartbreak from losing those three people I wouldn’t trade it. Are there things I wish I could tell them in person? Of course but I know that they are all proud of me and proud of how we are growing together closer as a family. Anyone that’s been through the loss of a family member knows how emotional it gets around the “anniversary” so to speak and that’s something I’m struggling through. I’ve thought to myself a lot lately about how on the 17th of June and the 2nd of July of this year I don’t really want to do anything. I’ve found myself sitting lately and just thinking about the days after my grandpa passed away spending time reflecting on his life with my grandma, just kinda tearing up over how much things have changed. Some may say that grief doesn’t come in stages but I’m a firm believer that it does. 

Doing what’s best for you. 

How do you know when what you’ve done/ are planning to do is actually what’s best for you? I’ve always gotten a lot of negative feedback for going to the doctor every time I don’t feel good but when I don’t feel good you know it. I never lie about how I feel, so how do you handle that feedback? Sometimes going to the doctor is what’s best whether others realze it or not. Granted sometimes it could be just how much I worry but at the same time I’d rather just go and get checked out to be on the safe side. It could also be pressure from my dad asking my mom and I every day that I’m sick if I’m going to the doctor. It just all depends, but how would you handle feedback like that? Sometimes all you need is expert advice to know that it’s all going to blow over soon and nobody should ever have to feel guilt or shame about going to someone who can help you when you don’t know what to do for yourself. 

Feeling alone

Do you ever have those days where everything just seems to bother you and you just want to lock yourself away because you feel like it’s the best thing to do? That was me today, did I no. Partially because I wasn’t feeling comfortable with being home but partially because people just kept wanting things from me. Today was probably the day that I should’ve just stayed away from people but what ended up happening wasn’t all that bad. It was just one of those days where I felt so overwhelmed with emotion and just lost in feelings that it was hard to communicate how I felt. Yeah at some points I didn’t handle things the best and I know that but looking back I see what I would do differently. On days like this, I find it somewhat hard to pray to God for strength and guidance which I should’ve done a lot more of, but just in feeling frustrated and not so well in general it was hard for me to. I know that God is there for us in times of trouble but today I just felt kind of alone but played it off. Just one of those days where I wanted to lay in bed all day but that didn’t work out. Here’s to hoping tomorrow will be better. 

Forgiveness 


Why do we let other people’s harsh words get stuck in our heads? Forgiving those who have wronged us or said hurtful things is one of the hardest things to do. Nobody really knows what one another is facing deep down, so why are we so quick to pass judgment, like “you’re too fat,” “you’re too messy,” or “you’re not good enough,” it’s so easy for us to say those things to others but when someone says them to us it hurts. Why do we focus more on hurting one another rather than building each other up. Even in the Lord’s Prayer Jesus teaches us to pray to forgive those who have wronged us. “and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:12-13‬ ‭ESV‬‬ Why is it so hard for us to just let go and let God when it comes to those who have done wrong towards us? It’s totally okay to feel down about hurtful things said to you but don’t let it define you. 🙂 

Praising God in all times 

1 Blessed assurance; Jesus is mine!

Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!

Heir of salvation, purchase of God,

born of his Spirit, washed in his blood.

Refrain:

This is my story, this is my song,

praising my Savior all the day long;

this is my story, this is my song,

praising my Savior all the day long.

2 Perfect submission, perfect delight,

visions of rapture now burst on my sight;

angels descending bring from above

echoes of mercy, whispers of love. [Refrain]

3 Perfect submission, all is at rest,

I in my Savior am happy and blest;

watching and waiting, looking above,filled with his goodness, lost in his love. [Refrain]

This song has been stuck in my head all day and before I googled it I didn’t know what it was, I just knew it made me feel at peace with where I am. The line praising my savior all the day long really stuck out to me. Why is it so hard to praise God for how he is working in our lives whether or not it be through hardship, to bring us closer to him? Everything he brings us to he is bound to bring us through. 


It is through faith and grace that  we are saved in Christ and if we don’t show that through our works as in praising God in all times whether good or bad how are others supposed to come to know Christ because of the example we set? 

Thoughts… For lack of a better title

Do you ever wonder how God chooses who’s mind to put you on and when? God has a mysterious way of working everything together for our good even if we don’t always understand how it works. One of my friends that is definitely going through a much harder time than I am right now took time out of her day trying to figure everything with her situation out to text me probably one of the most encouraging things that anyone has said to me in a while. Just a simple reminder that she was praying for me and that everything I am facing will pass with Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds,” cited at the end. It was a great reminder don’t get me wrong but coming from her it was just one of those things where I asked God why am I crossing her mind when she has so much more she should be focusing on? I mean this probably sounds really bad but she has been through so much more than I can even fathom and maybe it was just all of the times I encouraged her and told her I was praying for her like I always do, that God was telling her to stop and encourage me, I don’t know but like I said God has a way to make all things work together for our good.

As I write this I’m reminded of the passage 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 ” But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak than I am strong.” I think for me lately this has been something that has been hard for me to admit. After all I’ve faced over this past year I know it is okay to feel weak and sad although everyone looking down on me in heaven wouldn’t want me to it’s hard not to sometimes. I think what we all need sometimes is that person that we can admit that we are not okay to. Granted it is one of the hardest things to admit and I won’t be the first to say that but to finally admit it and work towards a path to change the feelings that I have felt stuck in feels great. Everything that we put before our God is an idol and putting our feelings before him instead of running to him when we feel down is so important.
“Don’t be mad if I cry
It just hurts so bad sometimes
‘Cause everyday it’s sinking in
And I have to say goodbye all over again
You know, I bet it feels good to have the weight of this world Off your shoulders now
I’m dreaming of the day
When I’m finally there with you
Save a place for me, save a place for me
I’ll be there soon, I’ll be there soon
Save a place for me, save some grace for me
I’ll be there soon, I’ll be there soon.”

If I’ve learned anything over the past year its that people will be there for you when you least expect it. Don’t be afraid to ask others for advice, prayers or comfort, what happens you might least expect. God knows what’s on your heart and why at all times and will be there to comfort you through his word when you least expect it.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (NIV)” Romans 15:13

Memories

I never really thought about how important memories are to me until today. When someone dies it’s often the case where they’re most concerned with the material objects that they will receive. To me it’s not about the objects but about the memories that you have with that person. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last year is how easily others become jealous of relationships that you cherish. Just remember yeah the pain may hurt but the memories are most important after the person you love is gone. I have a lot of favorite memories with my grandpa and great grandma and uncle that I have lost over the past year but what I learned from all three of them I wouldn’t trade for the world, I mean how many people can say I grew up having a relationship with my great grandma my entire life? So blessed